Much of the work I undertake these days relates to disputes and helping to solve succession issues in farming families and businesses. This can include anything from divorce and partnership splits to tenancy disagreements and decisions around generational transition along with a whole host of other issues. This has become particularly important since the announcement of the proposed changes to Inheritance Tax rules for the farming community and we are finding that farming businesses with complex land ownership situations are being forced to sit down and talk. Frequently we find that this is difficult and a key to avoiding escalation in potential disputes is open and honest communication in a safe environment. It is for this reason that I trained as a facilitative Mediator. Mediation enables all parties to get together and have their say, to be heard and to listen to the other participants. Discussions can either be together in an open forum or during private discussions with a mediator.
It is so revealing how often just getting things said and out in the open can pave the way to a resolution. Sometimes there is anger or just plain frustration, but if handled carefully in safe space, it more often usually leads to a workable solution. People often assume others want things they’re unwilling to give when, in reality, this might not be the case. An example I often give is of three children fighting over the last orange. The tired and frustrated parent simply wades in and cuts the orange in three and gives each child a third. One child eats his segment and discards the peel. The next discards the fruit and use the peel to flavour a cooking recipe. The third child simply wanted the orange to throw at one of the others! If the parent had had the time, energy and inclination to communicate with and listen to the children, all three could had all they wanted from the whole orange instead of a lesser amount each.
The last thing I want to hear is when trying to help find resolution to a dispute or misunderstanding is “I won’t give in, it is the principle!”. Principles are all very well and good, but they are not the same as fairness and integrity and principles tend to end up being very expensive and solve nothing.